Jesucita (00:02.568)
Hey there, we're back. Welcome to Charm School Dropout. I'm Jesucita Rey. And today we are going to be talking about the lovers in your life. And I'm not talking about lovers in a way, meaning your sexual relationships. It actually has nothing to do with that. Today we're actually gonna talk about the people who are a part of your life who love you, who love you and how...

that can actually impact the way that your life flows. Okay, so in a previous episode we talked about haters. All of us know what haters are. All of us know that we're gonna have haters. All of us, you know, haters are nothing new and we know that they're not gonna be going away.

Lovers on the other hand, a lot of people don't really talk about that much and a lot of people don't understand that they're actually out there and that these are people in your life who love you. Okay?

What a lover actually is, is a person. It could be a romantic relationship. It could be your family. It could be your best friends. It could be your coworkers. It's people normally that you feel good around or that are part of your life because of a bloodline, like I said, family or a romantic relationship. And the thought process is that they really truly do want the best for you.

and then that and you take that as is as if it's law you know these people love me therefore they want the best for me however everybody in the world thinks differently and if you are listening to this you are one of my tribe you are a beautiful strong female who is trying to better your life and get to that amazing life that you want for yourself.

Jesucita (02:03.784)
So we need to talk about lovers because a lot of times lovers will be the thing that are going to be holding you back from living the life that you want. They're going to say things or do things that are going to sabotage your capability of moving forward. And in another episode, we will talk about change and how change is going to be the greatest thing that you ever do in your life.

It's going to be the most amazing tool that you will ever learn is how to deal with change and how to accept change and how to grow with change. But for the purpose of this episode, we're going to talk about how your growth and your changing or the, the steps that you need to take in order to build this amazing life for yourself can be stunted immediately by one of your lovers in this world.

So let's jump right into this. And just remember, when you come into these episodes and stuff, there's gonna be things that you might never have heard of. And you're gonna have to let this information sink in and begin to look at your own life and what's going on in your own life. And pick out who the people are who are haters in your life or pick out the people who are lovers in your life. And you need to critique.

and figure out, you know, are they doing this on purpose or is this just the way that they think and they don't realize that they're stunting my growth? A lot of times lovers don't really mean to stop you from moving forward. It's just, it seems that because they don't, they can't handle growth in their own life or change, which is what growth is, it's change.

They can't handle that in their life and therefore they stop you from doing it because the fear is, oh dear God, what if they, you know, get so far in life and then they leave me behind? That's usually a huge part of it. And a lot of times the lovers don't even realize that that's a thought in their mind. So because they don't realize that's a thought, they're going to tell you, oh, you shouldn't do that. No, it's okay to quit. No, no, no, no, no.

Jesucita (04:25.86)
An example of that would be like if you're trying to get physically fit. You know, you're trying to make your body the best possible body you can, or you've started to meditate in order to clear your mind out of all the garbage that constantly consumes it. You know, or you're going to try a new class or you're going to quit your old job and start a new job.

You know, you may have people in your life who are going to sit there and say, oh, no, no, no, no, you don't want to do that. Or no, it's OK to quit. It's fine. It's no problem. They may not realize that they're stopping you in their track. They may honestly believe that they're being good people and supporting you in whatever it is that you want to do, because hell, you know, if you want to quit, it's nice to have somebody on your side telling you that you can. You're never going to get that here.

I'm never going to tell you it's okay to quit. I'm going to push you forward. That's the whole point of this show is to push you forward.

So when I was in my early twenties, I was 20 years old when I left my hometown and I moved to California. My hometown was a small town in Michigan and a lot of people when I was growing up, it was basically considered Mayberry. It was this beautiful, wonderful place where people cared about other people. It was a family community, you know.

It was really nice, but it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't the type of life that I wanted for myself. I knew that I wanted something more. I wanted something different. I wanted to see something of the world and not just be there in that hometown. So when I was 20 years old, I packed up my belongings and I moved with a friend of mine. I quit my job.

Jesucita (06:16.584)
Said goodbye to everybody I knew, packed up my stuff, and within two weeks, me and this friend were in the car and we were driving to California. We were moving to San Diego. And this was a huge change for me because I had never ever been away from my family. And I have a huge family on my mother's side and my father's side, and I had never been away from them. You know, I had taken vacations to like Tennessee or I had taken vacations to go to Disney World, but...

Other than that, I seriously had never been anywhere. I had never been on an airplane. I had nothing. I had never driven cross country. And wow, you know, I was driving cross country in a Ford Taurus in the middle of summer with an air conditioner that didn't work. And it was dreadful. It was dreadful. And I'm not going to shit you when I made it to San Diego. I think I cried.

for at least a good two weeks. I don't think I stopped crying for about two weeks because I missed my family. I missed everything that I knew. I missed everything. You know, I didn't know anybody in California when I got there. I didn't have a job. I, you know, the person that I had moved in with worked crazy hours and was gone all the time. So basically I was there and I was there alone. And...

Although I had been an only child for most of my life and I was used to being alone, I wasn't used to being alone in this type of an atmosphere where I, for the first time in my life, you know, I was going to be paying for bills. I had to hook up utilities and I had to figure out how to drive. Oh wow. Coming from a small town in Michigan and learning to drive in California was an eye opener. I was literally terrified for about a good year on driving in California because it just...

I was not prepared. I was not given tools to prepare me. So I had moved across country. I'd moved away from everybody. As soon as I had gotten to California though, you know, I would be calling my family to say, hello, how's it going? Blah, blah, blah. And it started very, very quickly about, well, why don't you come home? The people on the other end of the phone, you know, why don't you come home? Why don't you come back here? You don't really like it there. Why don't you come home? Why don't you come home?

Jesucita (08:37.96)
And that was very, very hard for me because they were absolutely right. I did not like living in California. Change is hard, like I said, which we'll get into in another episode because it's your greatest tool and your greatest power is going to be change. But they were absolutely right. I hated California. I didn't want to stay in California. I wanted to go home desperately. But I knew that if I went home, that was going to be it. That was going to be my life because I was I wasn't going to get an opportunity probably to leave again.

So I decided to stick it out. I decided to stay there and build a life. And as time went on, I got more and more comfortable and was very, very happy living in California. But the phone calls never changed. The phone calls from my family back home never changed. It was always, when are you coming back home? Why don't you just come home?

Why are you out there? Aren't you ever going to come back home? And this was every single time I called. Every single time I called, I would get this. So if I had listened to the people who loved me in my life, you know, who just wanted me back home, they weren't doing it to be horrible people. They were doing it because they missed me. They wanted to see me. You know, when you're in your twenties and your poor is dirt, starting out on your own.

You're not going to have money to be able to fly home, you know, every month in order to see your family when you miss them. It could take years before you make it back home. So I don't want you to think that, you know, your lovers all the time are doing this out of spite to stop you. They're not. They're not trying to harm you per se. It's just that they...

are going to miss you if you are away or if you end up doing better than them and your life is getting better than them and you're putting one foot in front of the other, they're going to miss you and they don't want to lose you. They don't want to miss you. Okay? They want you to stay exactly where you are so that way you can stay with them.

Jesucita (10:48.008)
That is not okay. And there are ways to be able to deal with this. The way that I ended up dealing with it was, is I ended up opening an honest communication with my family saying, I don't want to hear that anymore. No, I would have family members who would call and still, even after I had the communication of, I don't want to hear that anymore, they would still call. They were set in their ways and they would still say it. And they would say it over and over again, every single time that I spoke to them on the phone.

to the fact of that when I was on the phone with them and they would say it, since I knew they weren't going to listen to what I was trying to communicate, that I didn't want to hear those types of comments anymore, I would tell them that I would rather die than come back and live there. I made sure to do something that was abrupt enough to be able to stop the comments. Because...

Those comments after a while do begin to drag you down and but if they continue over and over again you kind of become immune to them because you know that you're living your best life. You know that you're exactly where you're supposed to be and nothing's going to bring you stop you you know from moving forward.

Once you get to that point in life, it's beautiful. I'm not saying that you're going to not have issues. You're always going to have issues, you know, in life. Life is ups and downs. That's what life is all about. But it definitely as time goes on and you figure out who your lovers actually are.

and how they go about trying not to sabotage, but for a better word of it, sabotage your progress in order to keep you in the space that they want you to be in, which is with them. Once you get that and you understand who they are, you understand how they do it, and you understand how you feel when they do it, it basically becomes like second nature to be able to shut that down.

Jesucita (12:47.208)
to be able to say, you know, like I said, when my family would call and they would say that, and I had already openly communicated, because you do have to communicate your likes and your dislikes with the people in your life. I had openly communicated. I don't want to hear that anymore. Please stop saying it. And they continued to do it. Then it was like, I would rather die than move back there and every single time.

that would just end their comments to it. And I would continue to do this every single time that it would happen until they eventually stopped saying it. Sometimes you have to be a little bit harder than you would want to be with the people that you love and whom love you. But here at Charm School Dropout, you are learning that this life is about you.

that this life can be as amazing as you want it to be for yourself. And regardless of what other people think, you're the only one who knows exactly what it is that you want from your life. You're the only one who knows exactly what you're looking for and how hard you're willing to work for. How many, you know, one foot in front of the other every single day, getting to where you need to be and to stop living a mediocre life that you were never destined to live to begin with.

You know, like I say, you are strong, beautiful, wonderful woman. You are strong. And that is the thing that I need to get into your head is that you are strong. No matter how many times society, the world, your haters, your lovers may make you feel weaker than you are. You are not weak. You are not small.

You are capable of doing anything, but you need to have the information in order to combat what's gonna come at you in life. You know, you're gonna get knocked down a whole bunch. You're gonna get punched in the face by life, a whole bunch. But to be able to handle that, to be able to understand what it is, to have all of the information you could possibly need to make the best decisions, the best choices for your life. So knowing who your lovers are is a big part of that.

Jesucita (15:04.36)
Knowing how it what they say or what they do how that affects you You know They will definitely be able to stunt your growth and stunt you to stop you from moving forward definitely if you allow it, okay?

Another story I have, which always just wow, because seriously, this this individual actually did get me to stop trying to be what I wanted to be. So to give you a little bit of background, my mother, when I was a little girl, got very, very sick when she's still alive and she's still kicking and you know, she's doing good. But.

She was very, very sick for most of my childhood, very, very sick, was in a lot of pain and there were, you know, lots of doctor's appointments, a lot of medical stuff. And my father was also incredibly ill and, you know, had diabetes and really had to fight to survive both of them.

And so they gave me a huge gift in my life because when they got sick, I realized that that was something that I didn't want for my life. I didn't want to get sick. I didn't want, if I had children, I didn't want my children to have to go through that kind of sickness that you go through with a parent. And so at an early age, I started doing lots of healthy things. But...

I also wanted to like get in the best shape for my body that I possibly could in my life. Okay. And.

Jesucita (16:47.4)
I had somebody very precious in my life who was supposed to be my supporter, was supposed to be rooting me on, was supposed to be there every single moment, you know, telling me you can do this, you can do this. And one day I said, you know what, I want to start working out and, and, and like get one of those chiseled rip bodies that you see from, you know, the, the muscle magazines and whatnot. And I want to be able to compete in a bodybuilding show.

And this individual was like, well, you know how come they look that way, don't you? I mean, all they do all day long is they're in the gym all day long and all they do is eat salads and they pay, you know, thousands and thousands of dollars a month in order to get that body because they have personal trainers that they train with and they have chefs that cook for them and blah, blah, blah.

When I heard that, it literally, I literally allowed that person who loved me, this person had absolutely no thought process that what they said had crippled me to the floor. Had no thought process, I promise you. This individual is not that type of individual. This individual is not a vindictive human. And.

because I was not prepared, I did not have the tools to combat that lover saying that to me, I let that control me. I let that stop me dead in my tracks. I stopped, I mean, I didn't stop working out, but I stopped doing the work, you know, because it takes hardcore work to change something about yourself. And I allowed that for years to stop me. And...

Oh, I can't do it. No, I can't do it because I don't have the money. I don't have the money for, you know, one of those Hollywood full time trainers. And I don't have time for those, you know, a massive chef who's going to come in and cook everything and whatnot for me. So I let that stop me for a long time. And I'm not going to kid you, I'm not where I need to be in that goal at this time. So that's something else that I want you to understand. Your goals are going to take you a long time to get to.

Jesucita (19:00.104)
but keep working on them and even if you fall and even if you think that you have failed, you still get up and you keep going. That's huge. And I had to teach myself over the years. I mean, it took years to teach myself. No, what this person said isn't true or anybody else who comes at me and tells me that I can't accomplish the shit that I want to get done for my life.

That's bullshit. This is my life. I get to make that choice. Nobody else in this world gets to make that choice for me. I get to make that choice for myself. And that's what I want for you. I want you to understand that whether they be haters, lovers, whomever, your parents, relatives, brothers, sisters, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, whatever they are, whomever they are in your life, they don't have the power.

to get you to quit, to get you to stop pursuing the life that you want. They don't have the power to stop you. The only person who has the power to stop you from accomplishing this life that you want is you. Don't give these people this power over you. They shouldn't have this power over you. One life, one life to live as far as we know. And like I have said, it better be a damn good one, girl.

Because you are worth that good life. You are worth that amazing life. You are worth whatever the hell kind of life that you have dreamed up for yourself. Okay? It's time for a whole shitload of female self -love. That's what it's time for. You've got this. You are so capable. But knowledge is power. Know who your lovers are. Know how they talk to you. Know how it makes you feel.

and then take control of all of it. Take control of all of it because you are that strong. Nobody has power over you. You are the only one that has power over you and you are strong enough to fucking make it. Okay. So I am in your corner. That is why I am here. I am here in your corner to tell you.

Jesucita (21:24.904)
how fucking capable you are as a female to get the job done. How fucking capable you are and amazing and powerful. You can do anything. Don't let anybody stop you from accomplishing your life. The life that you want, not the life somebody else wants, the life that you want. It's your time now. It's time to give up all the bullshit and all the drama and all the crap.

It's your time now to make the life that you want. You are so capable. And even if you don't believe that you are, I am the voice inside your head telling you that you are. I am the voice inside of you until your own voice comes shining through to say, yeah, you know what? I am a fucking badass. I am a contender in this world. I can do anything that I want to and be damned anybody who says any different. All right. I will see you in the next episode.