Jesucita Rey (00:00.282)
Hi ladies, it's Jesucita Rey and today's episode is going to be about you being a failure and you feeling like because you failed so many times and so often in life that you are not worthy of this amazing wonderful life that you should have. And never in my life when I was younger was I actually told that

failure was a part of life and that failure was actually a good thing. It was actually a positive thing as long as you understood how to think about failure. Failure meant that you still needed to learn something in life. You still needed some more steps in front of you in order to master whatever it was that you were looking to do. Okay? And the reason that I'm doing this episode is because...

A couple of days ago, my 15 year old daughter came to me and she was very not happy. She was trying to pass an exam and she had already taken it once and she had failed and she was allowed to take it again. And she didn't think that this was going to go well, that she hadn't mastered what she needed to master in order to pass the exam. And it was like crushing defeat.

that this was a failure, that this was a bad thing. And so we sat down and we talked about the fact that failure is a normalcy in life and that you don't need to beat yourself up. It just means that you have to learn a little bit more before you're able to pass this thing. And that's true in regards to anything in life. Failure is basically just telling you that you just need to...

learn a little bit more. You need to keep going. You need to keep doing it more times until you finally get there. Okay. But in retrospect to my own life, thank God that I wasn't actually taught that I had to learn it for myself. That failure is a positive thing. Failure is a good thing because it helped me understand both sides of the coin and it helped me understand when raising my daughter.

Jesucita Rey (02:10.202)
that I wanted her to know that failure was a positive thing rather than me always thinking when I was a kid that failure was a negative thing. Honestly, like failure made it seem like I was stupid. When I was a kid, I couldn't read and I struggled with almost all subjects, of course, because hello, I couldn't read. You know, you need to have reading down pat.

in order to be able to go on to other subjects. And because I couldn't read, I felt stupid all the time. I felt like it wasn't possible for me to be able to get to the goals that all of my classmates seemed to get to so easily because hello, they could read. And I would keep it a secret that I couldn't read, you know.

I would keep that a secret because I was so ashamed of it and I would try to not be called on in class and try to never raise my hand and try and slink down to be very, very small. So that way, hopefully I can make it through class and not have to try and read because then people would know my secret and they would judge me and I would feel stupid and I knew that I was failing.

all of these classes. And it wasn't really taught to me that learning is everybody's own journey. But when you're not taught that it's your own journey and that you're going to learn in your own time, no matter what it is that you're going to do in your life, that when you fail, it just means that you need to keep going.

one foot in front of the other, continue to move forward. That wasn't really something that was taught to me. It was just, you go to school, you're supposed to get good grades, and if you don't get good grades, you're failing. And we're using school during this episode because it's something that everybody can understand. Everybody's been in school, everybody's had subjects that they're really good at, really bad at. So that's why we're using school in reference to this episode. And...

Jesucita Rey (04:28.346)
when you feel stupid or you feel that you're failing at something, you really just want to shove it in the closet and you don't want to try continuously to get better at it. You just want it to go away. And that's how come we need to kind of flip that switch in our head, which is what I talk about basically on every episode, because this is all about switching your mentality. This is all about switching your mind to get you where you need to be.

to get you that life that you want or the dreams that you look forward to, that you dream about all the time, but you're not getting there. And this is a big part of that because when you feel that you're failing, it's gonna make you wanna quit. That inside voice is gonna be like, oh, you're stupid, you're worthless, all the bullshit that it tells you, and it's gonna make you wanna stop unless you come to realize that failure isn't,

crushing you to the ground. It's not this negative thing. It's actually a positive thing telling you that you need to grow a little bit more. You need to learn a little bit more. You need to do these steps a little bit more until you're able to get there. Failure is actually a positive thing. And once that gets into your head that it's a positive thing, there is no limit to what you can do in this world. There's absolutely no limit.

So when my daughter came to me and she was telling me that she was frustrated, we sat down and we talked about the fact that don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be in such a hurry, you know, to get it done as quickly as possible. Don't be in such a hurry to think that, you know, you don't have more to learn about this. If you fail, you pick yourself back up. You dust yourself off and you do it again. And you continue to learn until you master what it is that you need to do.

And this is true, like I said, in regards to all aspects of your life. If you're trying to run a business, if you're trying to learn how to have better communication with your spouse, if you're trying to figure out ways to not lose your shit every single day when your kids are driving you crazy, you've got to continuously learn. You've got to continuously grow. And when you fail at something, you understand that failing at that thing is a learning experience. You've got to take something from it that you've learned.

Jesucita Rey (06:46.394)
you know, in regards to this will take, you know, losing your shit when your kids are out of control and you just can't take it anymore. It's been a really long day. Everything you're frustrated, you know, it's just awful and you can't take it anymore. And you start screaming and yelling at your kids because you're frustrated and because they're driving you crazy. Okay. Yeah. Now we have to take a step back after this has occurred and realize that we actually have probably failed.

at dealing with this in the best way and dealing with this in the best light, right? So we have to come to understand that now we have to learn something from that. We have to learn that when we are incredibly, incredibly frustrated, when, you know, we, the day has been miserable and horrible and we're having to deal with adult things, but our kids are there and, you they want attention or they're bouncing off the wall.

because they just had a shitload of sugar or whatever it might be that we need to be able to take a step back and say, okay, I remember the last time that this happened and I lost my shit and I bombarded my children with, you know, a litany of negative things. I need to take a step back for a second and think to myself, okay, I learned from that experience. That was a failure on my part. That was a failure. Not in the negative way, because I know a lot of people in the scenario will take the factor that you failed with

you know, going off on your children as a negative thing. No, it's a positive thing if you learn something from it. If you learn now to take a step back for a minute, breathe, excuse yourself, go into the bathroom. If you've got to cry, if you've got to scream, whatever it is to get that, those feelings out before you go back and talk to your children. Okay, that's huge. And

Every parent in the world at some time or another has lost their shit. Okay, so don't think that it's just you or you know, if you don't have children and you're on the job and your boss is being a dick and you've finally had enough of it and you're ready to quit your job and you quit your job before you have another job and so you have no income coming in. Okay, that's that's kind of a failure.

Jesucita Rey (09:06.17)
as well, not because you quit your job because it was a shitty job, but because you weren't capable of sitting back for a moment and doing all of the steps ahead of time. You know, okay, I got to go look for a new job. I can't handle this anymore. I understand this about myself. You know, it's not the factor that you are going to quit the shitty job. No, please fucking quit the shitty job. But you got to have all of your ducks in a row before that.

And it's the same thing, like I said, in regards to learning. Learning is across the board in this world. We have to learn things in order to have the life that we want. We have to actually do the work in order to get the life that we want. And that's what I want for you. And that's how I'm doing these episodes is for you to start flipping that script in your head about a ton of different things in this life, not just one thing. It's going to be a ton of things to give you the tools.

to be able to go out and get that life that you want. So it needs to be the flipping of the script in regards to this episode when it comes to failure. Failure is not a negative as long as you learn something from it. As long as you learn from something, from failure, you learn something from it, you're good to go. And the next time that it occurs, you need to remember that, oh man, I learned this last time.

and it will begin to change that negative of failure for you. Now on a side note, I do want to talk to especially those people who feel that they're stupid. Okay, feel like they're stupid, especially in regards to education and learning. If you're a kid right now and you're having a hard time with learning or if you're an adult right now and during the time that you were a child.

you had a hard time with learning. Okay. No, you are not stupid. I want you to know and understand that you are not stupid. Even if right now you're 46 years old or whatever and you can't read and you can't write, you are not stupid. You know, if you can't go to school and get straight A's or you can't understand math or you fucking hate history, okay.

Jesucita Rey (11:25.05)
I need you to understand that you're not stupid. Learning is not just taking tests. Learning is not just saying, hey, I am an ace student here on all of these subjects. That is not what learning is at all. Learning is actually and can be an enjoyable process of you learning the things that you are actually interested in. Because if you actually look at it, you will try harder.

and have more joy when you learn things that you are actually interested in, right? I mean, you're always gonna wanna go and do the things that you like more rather than the things you hate. That's normal in human society. It doesn't mean that you're not gonna have to go and do the hard things. You are still gonna have to go and do the hard things, but I want you to understand that you are not stupid. And I think that there are a lot of people in the world who still, you know,

hide and are very, very afraid to go and get the learning that they need, you know, because people will judge them. People will criticize them. People will be like, oh my God, you're so fucking stupid. That is not the case. You are not stupid at all. Everybody's learning journey, no matter what you're learning, could be anything across the board, no matter what it is, it's your journey. It might take you.

longer to get there than somebody else. But that's fine. Life is life is that's what life is. Life is the learning. Life is the falling down and getting back up. Life is about helping yourself to become better. So don't let other people shut you down and tell you that you're the stupid fucking person who can't amount to anything because you can't learn as fast as they can or you know you're having trouble.

or you have failed.

Jesucita Rey (13:26.586)
Don't let others or the inside voice inside of you tell you that you're stupid and that you can't do these things. You can totally do these things. And you're going to get, you know, smashed in the face a lot of times with failure, which isn't a negative thing. You're going to get told by outside sources, outside people, social media, whatever, that you are not good enough. That you're stupid, you're fucked up, you know.

all of those horrible things. None of that is true. And none of that has control over you unless you believe the people who are telling you those things and unless you believe the negative in your own head. Don't believe those things. They're not true. They're not true about you. They've never been true about you. But there are going to be things in this world that are going to try and vomit that way of thinking all over you.

Don't let that have control over who you are. You are so capable and you are going to be able to deal now with failure, with failure becoming a positive instead of that negative that it's always been, that negative that you've always been told that it is. You know, people tell you...

Man, ever since you're a kid, if you fail at something, if you fail at school, if you get a bad mark on a report card, this, that, and the other, you know, you're told that that's bad, that that's a horrible thing. No, it just means that you've got to go back and relearn it until you understand it. And everybody learns differently. Nobody learns the same. Everybody learns in different ways. They learn at different speeds.

So why is this learning thing of everything in life, this breakneck speed race that you're supposed to get to the end of? You're gonna be learning things and changing throughout your entire life. You're going to fail a million times, all of us fucking have. You are strong enough to get back up and do it again and just come to realize that this is just learning. It doesn't need to be scary. It doesn't need to be frustrating. It doesn't need to be horrible.

Jesucita Rey (15:47.194)
And we don't talk about that enough. Learning isn't about taking a test. They give you the test in order to see if you've actually learned what you were being taught in the chapters that you were reading in life. Okay, that's what the test is for. But if you haven't mastered it, you're not a failure. You just go back again and relearn until you understand it.

On one last side note before I go, if by chance you are a child or an adult and you are having problems in regards to learning, I beg you to reach out to somebody to see if you can get a tutor. I know that there is a huge stigma on having to have a tutor. Like you're stupid, you're dumb. No, these are just tools to help you get better.

These are tools to help you get where you need to be. And I know, especially kids who are in school, you're afraid and you want to save face. You know, you don't want the other kids to know, but I am begging you, please get a tutor. School only lasts for so long. Okay. And then you have the rest of your life to live.

whatever kind of life that you want. You know, so it's so difficult because when you're a kid and you're in school and this is what's going on, even when you're an adult and you have people in your life that if you went to go ask for help, they would pick on you or they would put you down and they would try to demean you.

So, just so that's clear, this is both good for kids who are in school and for adults because I know adults in the world too have people in their lives that are just going to try and shove them to the ground as much as they possibly can and tell them that they're a failure to try and get them to quit. Find help. There is help in this world. There are free resources for you, whether you're a child or an adult. But,

Jesucita Rey (18:11.258)
Learning anything in life doesn't have to be this horrible experience, this horrible experience, especially if you're not good at a failure being a negative. No, it just means that you need to learn something from it. And it just means that you need a little bit more time to get there. Don't be in a hurry. Don't be in a hurry for this. Find the help that you need. Okay. I am a very, very big advocate.

for children and us as the generation who should be teaching them how to live their best lives, how to live their amazing dreams, how to be able to go out into this world and find what it is that drives them, that gives them passion, that moment that I see as magic in a child's eyes.

They need tools to be able to find that, to understand that they're not stupid, they're not dumb. They are going to fail, but they just need to understand that they need to learn something from it. And the same thing goes for the adults because normally it takes a very, very long time for an adult to look inside themselves and realize the trauma that they received when they were children. To let go of that feeling of failure and that

feeling of weakness and that feeling that they're stupid and are worthless and are not capable of accomplishing the life that they want. You are so capable. You are so capable. You just need people in your corner rooting you on telling you that you can do this. You can do this. And some of it is going to be hard work. Life is hard. If life didn't have hard times, there would be no joy. There would be no joy whatsoever.

Okay. Life is hard, but you've got this. You've got the strength. You've got the capability of putting one foot in front of the other every single day, no matter how small that step is to get you where you need to be. I am in your corner. I am in your corner rooting you on. And as I tell you all the time, if it is not my voice that you want to hear, please, dear God, find some voice, find something that gives you

Jesucita Rey (20:39.898)
the voice that's going to be positive inside your head. Stop listening to all the negative in the world and find something that is positive and listen to it over and over and over again until it gets drilled into your head, until finally your own voice stands out and says, fuck yeah, I can do this. I'm strong. I'm amazing. I'm fabulous. I can live whatever kind of life I want to and be damned anybody who says different.

You are that strong, you are that beautiful, you are that wonderful. You were meant to be here for a reason. You were meant to be here. Don't let anybody stop you. And especially don't allow failure to stop you because failure is not a negative. You have to fail in order to learn. In order to get that life that you want, you are going to fail and you got to start thinking of it as a positive thing, a...

thing that is going to move you forward in this life. Okay? Think of failure as a positive, not a negative. I am in your corner. I am rooting for you. I believe in you. You are amazing. You've got this shit. You can take this world and take control of your life and start working towards the life that you want. The sooner you do it, the better off you're going to feel. I swear to you, the better off you're going to feel.

All right, I will see you on the next episode.